Infatuation or love?

Sometimes, we develop a particular fondness for the person we’re dating. We just can’t stop thinking about him/her, even after many, many hours savoring his/her company. We are left in a quandary about our feelings, and certain queasiness pervades our days. Then we ask ourselves the question: have we fallen in love with that person?

Love is indeed a wonderful thing. But it is something that we should be certain about, least we spend many sleepless nights in deep thoughts and confusion. Sadly, determining the veracity of love is not always easy. Sometimes, a deep infatuation is equated with the same.

So how do we know that it’s love… real love that is? What could we be sure that the other person is not only the object of our thoughts, but the object of our hearts as well? Here are some signs that would help us say that what we’re feeling is indeed love.

1. When, at the beginning of the day, you are already filled with thoughts of the other person: what he/she is doing, how he/she looks, what you could do to make him/her smile today… when something good or nice happens to you, you always think of how you must share this with him/her, be it a funny story or a moment of your triumph. You always wish that he/she would be right there with you, but even if he/she isn’t, it’s okay because you know that soon you will be together and you anticipate that. No moment, no matter how dull it seems like simply watching TV together, is ever a wasted moment. Every minute counts when you’re with that person.

2. You become selfless. And you start thinking more about what would be good for the other person, than what would be good for you. Your ultimate happiness is to be able to make that other person happy, whether it is with you or with another person. You take care of him/her and you keep looking out for him/her. Be reminded however that making the other person happy does not include inflicting or causing harm to yourself or being untrue to yourself. You don’t ask that person to do sacrifices for you either, such as doing stuff you asked them to do just to prove their love to you.

3. You start to think of how it would be to be with this person forever… and you relish that dream or feeling. The thought of spending the rest of your lives together is not seen as being stuck with another person, but is considered to be a very wonderful idea.

4. Even if there are other people who are more beautiful or attractive, you still choose to be with this person. This means your commitment to this person is absolute. You have fully and undeniably decided to be with only him/her no matter what. It is not only love, but also devotion.

5. There is passion and fireworks, even after the infatuation period of six months. If you have been together for such a long time now, but aren’t bored out of your minds yet and can still feel the fire burning – simply because you keep it burning (and this requires dedication and effort), is a clear indication that love is still shared between two people.

6. There is a desire to understand each other, even at the biggest of arguments. You continue to communicate openly and do not harshly judge each other. You accept each other’s faults and shortcomings. For example, no matter how fat she gets and no matter how much he drools when he sleeps, you still stay and love the person. Also, you stay true and honest to that person.

7. There is a great deal of respect, admiration and trust for this person. And she/he has earned it well.

How to Know the Difference between Love, Infatuation and Lust

Love is usually pure and a feeling that is mildly possessive but with lots of care, too; infatuation can be detected easily, when a person’s says he loves someone, but is unwilling to talk, make any eye contact, or willing to do anything at all, but stay away, remaining shy; and lust can be known if your "love" shifts easily from one person to another, and lust is usually expressed through short physical/emotional (but mostly physical) relationships.

Love is when you love the whole person (spirit, heart, mind and body), lust is when you only love part of them, which means that you see only part of the person as having value and that the whole person is not valuable.

Keep in mind that in most relationships, you're feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.

Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.

Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?

A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.

Take advantage of the post coital "moment of clarity" to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it's most definitely not love but lust.

Give it some time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.

Keep in mind that "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be." (Unknown)

Consider what comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, what do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. If you want to be with them, learn about them, and maybe someday have a sexual relationship, you are probably in a good mix of all three.

Warnings

If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly, introspect. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?

You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person. Just know that lust is not a GOOD thing when it comes to the interest of only one person in the relationship.

Romantic love is not an "eternal truth of the universe" for all relationships. As a concept, romantic love has only been in practise for a few hundred years. Don't assume that that it is a requirement for a happy life long relationship, or that the most effective environment for finding such love is by dating. You may never feel 'in love' with the person who might be the perfect mate. You might just have someone who you decided you would like to make it work with. 'Love' or 'no love', both types of relationships require work to make them last

Most people have this feeling inside them but are not sure whether it is simple affection, a crush or maybe love. Well love is a lot more stronger word than simple affection and attraction towards someone. Love involves much more than what you find in simple attraction towards someone. Read on to find out some of the simple yet powerful ways to find out whether you love someone or not.

You’re happy when your partner is? - If you feel joy when your partner is happy and just a mere smile or his/her face gives you happiness than you are definitely in love with that person. Love is all about feeling one with your partner therefore you tend to enjoy all joys, lovely moments, moments of satisfaction with your partner.

You don't mind public affection? - Do you often hold hands in public - maybe kiss or hug? If this is the case than you might be in love with your partner. Normally most couples don't prefer showing much public affection until and unless they are in love.

Caring like family- Do you care for your partner just as you care for your family? And get sad when your partner is sad or maybe get happy when you partner is? Love is all about caring and sharing. And if you treat your partner just like you treat your family than you are definitely in love.

You feel like being an open book- When you love someone you feel like being an open book and tend to share some of your biggest secret which you would never even share with your closest of friends. Love makes you surrender totally and you feel like pouring your heart out.

You talk without getting bored - Mostly when it's just a mere crush or attraction you would easily get bored after a while. Everything would just seem boring and you would not feel like carrying on any more. But when you are in love you would always have something to talk about, it would never get boring no matter how long and how much you talk.

You would sacrifice- This is the best way to find out whether you are in love or not. If you are ready to sacrifice something for your partners comfort then you are definitely in love. Love is all about sacrifices and compromises and if you are truly in love you would not mind being committed and making sacrifices for the one you love.

You might not be able to make the person fall in love with you on the first sight but you can definitely make the person be strongly attracted to you if you follow some simple steps.

But the best thing to know if you love someone or not is to follow your heart. When you are doubting if you do or not then just look inside and it will tell you

It is a very common question, "How can I tell I'm in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they are in lust. This can get confusing when you are a teen because romantic love is a relatively new concept for you and you don't know what to expect. You are overwhelmed with all sorts of new feelings and social pressures. They are confusing. What is love? What makes you want a romantic relationship with one person and not another? How does your heart choose a partner? Why does love end? These questions can't be easily answered.

One of the most confusing quasi-love feelings is lust. Lust is a very powerful, very intense feeling of physical attraction toward another person. Lust is mainly sexual in nature - the attraction is superficial based on instant chemistry rather than genuine caring. Usually we lust after people we do not know well, people we still feel comfortable fantasizing about. It is very common for people to confuse lust for love. But why? What is it about lust and love that make them so easy to mix up? If lust is all about sex, how can a relationship without sex be about lust? Teens struggle with this because they see lust in the Biblical sense, but lust isn't that sinister. Lust is about physical attraction and acting ONLY on physical attraction. Love is about much more than that. Yet many teens (and to be fair, many adults) confuse an intense attraction for some sort if divine love. For teens, since feelings of attraction are still new and since pop-culture sells sex and love as one package, it is very easy to get the two mixed up.

Lust is clearly not love. Love is based on more than just physical attraction. Sure, attraction is a factor, but love goes deeper than that. Love is based on caring, friendship, commitment and trust. When you are in love it is as if you have your best most trusted friend at your side AND you feel physically attracted to them. It is the best of both worlds! Love is a shared feeling between two people who have a vested interest in one anothers happiness. Love is not about jealousy. It is not about conflict. It is not about testing. Love is a positive feeling. If it is tainted by mistrust, jealousy, insecurity or spitefulness it is not really love but merely a pale copy. Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?

There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.

You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.

The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.

If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.

Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.

When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).

Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.

Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.

You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.

If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

1. Lust is satisfying an itch at a surface level and you don't necessarily feel a deep connection, friendship, or want to be with the other person and enjoy their company--outside of the bedroom.

Don't get us wrong--lust is fun and you can experience lust within love--but if there's nothing deeper going on, lust by itself can be pretty shallow.

Check to see if any of these apply to your relationship...

**You only get together every now and then and not necessarily on weekends.

**Your dates always involve making love and end up in the bedroom.

**You don't have a lot to talk about and you don't talk about your future together.

**There is a feeling that something is missing

**You don't feel important outside of the bedroom

**If you raise the topic of commitment, one of you runs.

**You do not share any interests outside of s*e*x

2. Love is in the eye of the beholder so it's important to find out what love means to you.

Make a list of what love means to you and be specific like this...

**You feel important to each other

**Being supportive like a true friend would

**Being honest when you made a mistake

**You want to just be together and doesn't always involve love-making (but can)

**You can talk to one another

**Calling when you're going to be late

**You feel a deep connection

**You are kind toward one another

**You like to touch one another

Love or Infatuation

"You can tell that it's infatuation when you think that he's as sexy as Paul Newman, as athletic as Pete Rose, as selfless and dedicated as Ralph Nader, as smart as John Kenneth Galbraith and as funny as Don Rickles. You can be reasonably sure that it's love when you realize he's actually about as sexy as Don Rickles, as athletic as Ralph Nader, as smart as Pete Rose, as funny as John Kenneth Galbraith and doesn't resemble Paul Newman in any way--but you'll stick with him anyway." -Judith Viorst

(1) Do I treat the other person as a person or a thing?

If you go out with him/her because he/she is good looking (a "prize" to be with) or a way out (a ticket to the movies), that isn't love.

(2) Would you chose to spend the evening alone with him/her if there were no kissing, no touching, and no sex?

If not, it isn't love.

(3) Are the two of you at ease and as happy alone as you are with friends?

If you need other friends around to have a good time, it isn't love.

(4) Do you get along?

If you fight and make up a lot, get hurt and jealous, tease and criticize one another, better be careful, it may not be love.

(5) Are you still interested in dating or secretly "messing around" with others?

If so, you aren't in love.

(6) Can you be totally honest and open?

If either or both of you are selfish, insincere, feel confined, or unable to express feelings, be cautious.

(7) Are you realistic?

You should be able to admit possible future problems. If others (besides a parent) offend you by saying they are surprised you are still together, that you two seem so different, that they have doubts about your choice, better take a good look at this relationship.

(8) Is either of you much more of a taker than a giver?

If so, no matter how well you like that situation now, it may not last.

(9) Do you think of the partner as being a part of your whole life?